It’s officially no longer my birthday, but there’s still much to celebrate. I reveal some big news in my newest video below!
As I was uploading and editing this video, I noticed that I’ve never looked happier. But truth be told…I had my little birthday meltdown towards the end of the night. For the last two birthdays, especially since reaching the quarter century mark, I have been feeling this sense of impending doom on the day of my birth. I remember the morning that I turned 25, I woke up in tears because I was not happy with the fact that I was well into my twenties and still not where I wanted to be in life. Then when 26 rolled around, it just felt like another year…still lingering in the gray. I woke up this morning not feeling any particular way and I went about my day as I would any other. Some people don’t make big deals out of birthdays, and some do. I’ve always kind of been in between. I like to reflect on the day of my birth, maybe sometimes a little too much. I don’t need all the presents or the attention, but I think it is essential to take a hard look at myself whenever another year rolls around and reevaluate where I’ve been, where I am, and where I am going in life. There are so many people who just go through the daily motions of everyday life, doing what they think they are supposed to do, but never actually LIVING. I have to make sure that no matter what age I am and no matter how old I get, I have to continue to LIVE. And by LIVE…I mean truly pursue an active, meaningful, and fulfilling life.
I fought back tears today as a blew out the candles on my 2 delicious little cupcakes. I am so overwhelmed with emotion that I cannot fight my feelings anymore. There is so much going on in me and around me that has caused this shock to my core. I feel awake. I feel more alive than ever. But for every smile, there is also a tear. For every laugh, there is a cry. I am happy, but I am also sad. I am enthusiastic about the future but I also worry about what may come of my decisions and how it will change me and the people I hold so dear to my heart. So as much as I’d like to pretend that happiness is a final destination….I have to accept that happiness is only what it is because of all the hardships, fears, and tears that we must suffer through to reach that ever elusive place. Happiness is fleeting. It comes and it goes, and sometimes for too long…we forget what it feels like to be truly happy. But for those blissful moments, however short lived they may be, it’s always worth it to fight for them and pursue them. I once felt dead in my darkest hours, but I can finally say that I feel reborn now at the sweet age of twenty seven.