Big Question Mark

“When are you leaving for Korea?”

This is the most frequently asked question that everyone has been asking me since I revealed the news that I will be taking an English teaching position in South Korea. The answer to that question though? Still unknown. Yep, it’s still one big question mark. EPIK, the English Teaching Program in Korea, has a lengthy drawn out hiring process. I have been waiting for weeks to find out about the details of where the job will be and when I will leave. It’s been a continuous waiting game during every step, from the time I submitted the initial application, the interview, and all the paperwork. That waiting game has been going on for about 4 months now, which doesn’t seem like such a long time when I think about it but the days are dragging on without any news of what’s to come.

Every time someone asks me that question, I get a little uneasy. It’s a simple question, but the fact that I can’t answer them is what bothers me. It’s the not knowing. Patience, Kimmy, patience. That’s what I keep telling myself. Because I know that once they send me that contract and the plane ticket finally gets booked, I may not even have a moment to catch my breath. Life will be moving in the fast lane, and things will change quickly. Whether or not I am ready for it, it’s coming.

There have been times that I already feel as though I am far away. When family and friends make future plans for this year, I can’t even engage myself in the conversation because where will I be? Oh yeah, on the other side of the world. Don’t get me wrong; I am delighted about my own personal plans. I just can’t help but feel sad that I cannot be a part of everyone else’s future.

All I have been trying to do in the mean time is enjoy the familiarity of my daily life, as I’ve known it thus far. All of life’s simple little pleasures that I often take for granted. Something as simple as being able to call my best friend without worrying about what time it is because we’re in the same time zone. Petting my dog until his little leg wiggles uncontrollably because he loves being rubbed. Driving…there’s this never-ending list of random things that I won’t be able to do once I leave. It’s bittersweet, to say the least.

Soon I’ll have an answer to that big question mark. Until then, I am here. This is my now and I need to enjoy it as best I can.

Inserting a little excerpt from an emo- poem I wrote at 22 because it seems appropriate. Simple corny end rhymes, but a reminder still:

So let us be who we truly are

No molds, no conformity 
Break the box
Strike the clock
It’s time to live in the now

Fuck the past
For it’s gone
And though the future comes fast
It is not yet here

Today is the focus
Right now is the moment
The only thing we will ever have
And I just can’t waste another minute of it 
Worried, scared, and sad.

“Let’s Just Be”

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