48 hours. That’s how long it takes before I feel the need for another dose. I need another hit of that high. I just want to feel it again. How long will it be until the next time? I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve emptied my bank account just to escape my daily mundane existence. I speak not of drugs, but of life-changing journeys. I just came home from my 4 week adventure in Chicago and it feels as though I am crashing from an addictive high. I am addict, an addict of adventure. One adventure has ended, and I cannot wait for the next to begin.
During my 3rd week in Chicago, my family asked me if I was ready to come home. My answer was a short and simple NO. Then it got me thinking….have I ever been homesick? I wasn’t homesick when I was in Europe for over 2 weeks this past summer and I even considered extending the trip. How long would it take for me to get homesick? I still have yet to find out. I’d be lying if I told you I did not miss home at all. Of course I missed my family, my dog Peanut, home-cooked Vietnamese meals, and sleeping in my own warm bed. But the familiar feeling of home usually brings me more sorrow than solace. Home has become a safe haven for me, but what’s safe no longer satisfies me. If I wanted safe, I’d still be working that miserable cubicle corporate job running the rat race to push my way up the corporate ladder. After just 6 months of that, I realized quickly…this CANNOT be my life. I don’t want to live a predictable life. I don’t want to be sitting glued to a chair staring at a computer screen all day. The status. The money. The power? None of that shit matters to me.
I still am not sure exactly what I want out of life, but as I get older…it’s getting easier to identify what I don’t want. Living life by deduction may not be the ideal way, but at least I keep trying. The only thing that worries me most is that, I’ll never be content. Am I going to be like my father? The one who wanders forever because now and here is just never good enough.
Ahhh…I never intended for this blog to be an emotional dumping ground, but my mind is a black hole of emotions right now!
On a lighter note, being away from home isn’t so bad when home comes to you! Two of my favorite people came to visit me for a weekend in Chicago for my birthday and I was able to stuff 36 hours of our crazy weekend in a 10 minute video! Check out the 1st of many videos to come!
Ta-Ta- for now my loves!